Roots and Wings

The curtains are too long, and there are books everywhere, and the couch cover is messed up — but this is my home. And I don't mind about the books.

I'm staring graduation in the face. While that invokes feelings of panic in some, elation in others, and nostalgia in all, mostly I just feel confused.

You have to understand that I'm not exactly a domesticated animal. I thrive on change.  I've been looking forward to my graduation since before I even started college. I hate being stuck in one place. I want a job where I can travel, and I want the money to travel in my spare time. 

Naturally, I thought I was going to feel more excited than I am. However, as graduation approaches, I've realized I have mixed feelings about my big entrance into the adult world.

I know I won't miss balancing the demands of being a student with work or my struggles with money. I won't miss the internal politics of Baylor. I ESPECIALLY won't miss my neighbors who throw loud frat parties into the wee hours of the morning. 

And though I love them, I came in knowing the friends I made here would go on, graduate, and move away. I always expected to miss them, so it doesn't hurt so much.

I'm also incredibly excited to start this next phase of my life, which will come with more bills, yes, but also more freedom. And a bigger salary. Please, God, a bigger salary. 

What I didn't expect was getting nostalgic about my shitty first apartment. But about every two days, I stand in my little living room, look at my dog and tear up — this is our home. 

I know I'm going somewhere better, but I will never live anywhere as magical and old and altogether writer-appropriate than this place. Every single inch of these 440 square feet is filled with pictures, momentos, antiques my relatives don't want. And while some of the furniture is coming with me, it just won't be the same anywhere else. 

I mean, rationally, I should be glad to move up. The fixtures are old, the paint is cracked and peeling, and my kitchen is microscopic. But despite all of these things, I love this apartment. 

I never wanted to. I didn't mean to. But I put down roots in Waco — I built a home.